Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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