I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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