Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
