Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my sisters under your porch take her home
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
