i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is the high leading the old right now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just had sex on a roof
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
