i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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