look no pants
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pants are for mortals
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
