Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
