dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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