my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
