i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
