remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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