You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
