he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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