dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also, beer. Big fan.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
