Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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