god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
