Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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