This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
