hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
