You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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