Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
