Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
