she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
