FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
