my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
