I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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