im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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