you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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