Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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