i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
