My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
