apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
