I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
