I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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