I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
should my penis look like a turkey
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
