shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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