it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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