make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
