So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
