your parents love me but you hate me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
