I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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