Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
