Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
