Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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