I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
