no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
