his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
