I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
