I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
